A Plan for a Plan

Are you the type that plans? Or flies by the seat of their pants? Does it depend on the situation? I like to think of myself as impulsive, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I'm a planner. I have to have a plan for a plan. Why is that? Maybe growing up with an Asian mama? Maybe a genetic characteristic? I have always like writing in journals, planners, etc. Not really the pro at it, but I think the idea of having it "all together" is what makes planners so ideal not to mention the points they get for looking cute (I mean Kate Spade and her pretty planners *Sigh*). Anyways back to real life. Lately I've been thinking a lot. What if I just let go of plans? I mean obviously I'd still manage my time and responsibilities efficiently and effectively (*cough hopefully) but in regards to goals or dreams and the such, what if I were to just let them go. To fully and completely let go of the control I want over it. I mean think about it. Nothing is in our power...only the choices we make. Whew I don't know about ya'll but this'll def be a work in progress for mwah. Let's take it back to yesteryear(sssss). Hush! (Still dealing with this label of 30).


I come from a close-knit family. Growing up we spent every day together doing whatever, talking about whatever. But I can remember a specific family night we had. I was about 17 years old and our family discussing goals aloud. My daddio was talking aloud about how he never imagined he'd be where he is today...mainly in feeling blessed about his family and blessings of church, work, home, etc. As he was talking my sister and I decided to write goals we'd like to accomplish in the next 5 years. I was sooooo specific. Looksy:


1. Graduate from High School within top 10 rank
2. Attend Brigham Young University and study pre-law
3. Travel
4. Get married at 22 years old
5. Have children by 25 years old


My sister's list looked something like this:
1. Attend college. Anywhere. No qualms with this one:)
2. Serve an LDS mission
3. Possibly get married around 26 or so


Haha it's kind of funny because when I look back at what seemed so important and at the forefront of at that time totally changes as we experience life and meet it's challenges. As a 17 year old it's not going to be as in depth or possibly as realistic as let's say a 27 year old or GASP 30 year old. LIFE HAPPENS. I mean on paper I'm a solid A handsdown, but maybe its another story realistically. Life  doesn't exactly go the way you imagine. For instance, my sister's became totally different. She found her love at 18 and married at 20 and has two beautiful babies whom I steal every day. I on the other hand have accomplished goal one and two and even some of three. However that marriage goal has always been an obstacle. Haha. Some have said, "It's because you're looking for it too much." My response is "Really?" (sometimes adding in an eye roll) Is it a bad thing to want marriage though? Absolutely not. I'd say for a new 30 year old, that I've been able to accomplish quite a bit and that I am now mature and stable to take on the seriousness that marriage entails. Will I be completely ready? Most likely not, but I'm ready for that challenge. That's why plans are so tricky. When you want something bad enough will it really come? My only answer I can give myself is this. Be patient. And that is something that is really hard to sit with because it's hard not to scrutinize where I may have gone wrong or what's wrong with me. But I've learned that patience and gratitude are what helps in times of despair. So while I'd like to say I have a 5 year plan...I'm gonna keep it to a "Whatever Heavenly Father has in store for me plan". I'm sure I'll still experience impatience and downright moodiness, but with a working faith I'm sure everything will fall into place exactly as they were meant to be. After all, if I look back at my 17 year old self, I would've said take your time. Enjoy life. Don't be in a rush. I'd probably say that to my 30 year old self but Kim Kardashian said that half your eggs deplete once you hit 30 ladies so that must be bible right? Nah I'm enjoying life and need to stop being so hard on myself.


I take my licensure test this weekend. PRAY for me. Then in two weeks I move back to Utah. UTAH?!?! Ah! I think it'll be a good move and have felt it to be right so far. The job seems much more safer and supportive than my current one. I will be challenged as I work with adolescent females, but I think overall it's going to be a huge advantage, career wise. I'm excited. Am I excited to attend a singles ward again? We'll see. I'll let you know about the eye candy or if there's room for improvement with a certain handsome in Salt Lake, but I say this. I'm going in with no plans or I'm gonna try my best at not going in with any plans. This will be a test of faith, but ultimately will be an opportunity for me to grow and learn even more. I need to remember to have fun. To have standards and know what I want, but ultimately to enjoy life. Plans are good. Just not 24/7 pressure to meet them.


So here I go! Plan #1 Exclude long-term plans or pressure to meet any-term plans.


Have a wonderful day!!!

I am Enough! Nough Said :)))))

Too often we get into the struggle of our own thinking. Can I get an Amen?! It's true. I think that it's quite possibly one of the biggest tools that is used against us. Obviously it can be both a strength and weakness...our mind that is. However, when we allow our thinking to go askew, it's so easy to forget our self worth. Man preach to the choir sista orrrr should I say brother?! (hehe) I was reading President Uctdorf's talk, found here https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng. He gives this wonderful advice, to "Stop It", you are amazing and you matter because you are you." Ironically, I had shared a lesson on relapse prevention skills to my group. One of them was to imagine a big STOP sign...another that I improvised with was a light switch and that if we are able to get through the 15 minutes (that's how long a craving/trigger lasts) then we'd be able to move on and proceed life coming out of it a bit stronger. How cool is it that we as members of the LDS faith are able to receive guidance into reminding us of how valuable and loved we are? After all they are THE mouthpieces of our Almighty. It simply blows my mind yet comforts me on all levels. You my friend matter. I matter. I'm so blessed to have the gospel in my life and to know that I'm not alone even if on an off day (that happens more than not) when I'm even surrounded by loved ones and all still struggling, that I can get down on my knees and be comforted and feel the true love from a Heavenly Father and Savior who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through. My life mission is unique. Just as yours is. I may experience a trial that's not exactly hard as another's may seem, but guess what? It's mine. And that's okay. I can own that and accept that I can only the things and go through the things I experience because they are mine and only mine. Our Heavenly Father only gives us that which we can handle. Some days I throw my hands in the air and I plead upward saying "Really? Really?!!!" And then after some time I come into my own and realize you know what...be okay with it. Be more grateful. I've come to the realization that only I can compare myself to my yesterday's self and see where I can improve. However, it is easier said than done. Often the world is knocking on our door saying hellllllo look what you're not doing or what you don't have or what you need to be like. I'm sooooo grateful that the gospel tells us otherwise. That our Heavenly Father speaks directly to his faithful servants as well as give us personal revelation that we are enough. Feels good. Real good. If we can just step back and examine our true motivations, we can gain important insight into ourselves...which can also lead to being more objective which let's be honest I could a lot more these days :)

I need to update ya on the latest especially with pics but I literally am running out the door to take care of my lil' ol' Alby! She's great! Cross your fingers she will cooperate and want to sleep tonight! Otherwise it'll make for a loooong day at work tomorrow haha! Hope all is well with you and yours!

Finding Acceptance

Hi blogger world! It's been awhile and then some huh?! I don't even know where to start. Life has been a hit and miss, however throughout the lows and highs I have found consistency in love from my family and most importantly my Heavenly Father. I think trials naturally do that to you. I will have to say that I have seen myself grow so much from how I would have normally reacted/coped with hardships. I have seen my relationship grow closer to our Heavenly Father and have found that I need to work on my self-care more. It's ironic really. For those of you who don't know, I am a therapist by profession. Day in and day out I guide and with opportunity teach my clients ways in reaching their goals. This often comprises of self-esteem and self-value. I have tried to analyze how I've let myself go, so to speak. Maybe because women are naturally more compassionate than men? We tend to look to others in helping them and their needs? Maybe it's because I help people for a living so I don't necessarily have time to self-reflect and see what needs to be tightened up or to give myself credit where credit is due? Maybe it's because I've grown up with the Asian culture of never being completely fulfilled with what I have accomplished because enough is never enough? Who knows?! All I can say is I'm grateful. Yes the past 4.5 months have been hard. But I got up. I've tried. That's what this life is about. Not giving up and pressing forward.
I'll be honest annnd maybe this is for a vent sesh but it's nice to talk once again even if this isn't read by anyone but myself. I've missed blogging. But I've also realized that with blogging, the public or cyber-world reads/sees it. And in that you don't want to share any of the ghastly things...only the happy and even garish, "hope I'm making you kinda jealous things"....Maybe its a girl thing. Life isn't like that though. Life hands you spit balls, curve balls, and grand balls. Learning to be grateful in the hard times is always a lot more difficult than in the happiest of times buuuuut when you can count your blessings during the hard times, you find that it isn't always as bad as you think and that my dear friends is the lesson I have to remind myself and take away CONSTANTLY everyday. Anyways, you know those times where you totally doubt yourself a ton and then realize that "Eh, you're not that bad?" I think I just got that the other day. It is nice to have those reminders. I often use an analogy with my clients, for every one positive thing that happens, ten negative things can easily wipe that positive out. For a 1 to 10 ratio, I'd say that positivity has it pretty rough...basically fighting an uphill battle. The great thing is that positivity will ALWAYS win though! Always! I find that if I get lost in the down spiral of negativity and choose (it's totes a choice same as any emotion) to stay in it that my day or week will continue to get worse. However, if I choose to see the good [even if bad or unwanted things occur] it provides a glimmer of hope and sometimes that hope can give comfort in the darkest of places. I love the gospel and the strength it gives me daily. I love my family for their patience and constant guidance with their vivaciousness for life.
I will say this. I'm still finding myself. I feel like I would have accomplished this feat by the time I am to reach 30. However, I think I will continue to find myself as life is full of progression and change. It's good. It's a challenge and I like a good challenge. I don't know what's next or in store for me, but I only know good things are. They've got to because there's so much to do and see. I passed my school counseling exam. WITHOUT STUDYING! I'm still on cloud 9! I have a part-time job in which I'm a caretaker for a lil' old lady! Yet I've learned that while these accomplishments have brought more meaning to my life, that they do not define who I am. I'm happy simply because I know I have a Heavenly Father and family that love me for me! Unconditionally! I didn't have to do or be something amazing to earn this. It just is. Profound. I've got a lot in store for me this I know. Who knows what's next. Maybe moving from therapist to school counselor. Maybe going to the singles ward. Maybe moving?!!! All I know is that whatever is to come it will be the right thing. Do I yearn for that next chapter? Marriage, family, career, the whole shebang? You bet your heart out! In time they will. In time. I heard this wonderful quote..."You cannot grow tomatoes in the winter can you? No. No. For it is not their season. Spring time is their season. And when they come oh what a beautiful thing it is." How wonderful huh? That quote has resounded with me especially during times that I will be honest happen quite often than not. My season will come. I've just got to press forward in faith in that positive mindset. Well my friends it's off to bed for me. Have a wonderful night. Hopefully I'll be in touch soon!

Epiphany!

Wow it's certainly been a whirlwind of holidays and all. Honestly, in the last 2-3 weeks you could say I've had somewhat of an epiphany!

I heard this on Invicticus, "I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. ---William Ernest Henley.

Wait whaaaaat? Haha j/k. It's profound though ha? I mean you make your choices and reap the consequences yes?
K, so with that and celebrating my 29th birthday about 3 weeks ago, I was dreading the day to come. Normally, I'm all giddy and excited to celebrate my special day. Who isn't when it's their birthday? What have I done in the past 29 years? My accomplishments? To be quite frank, it's been tough to see another year go by without the prospect of marriage, not being in the phase of motherhood, maybe not even being rich ha!, and I may have or haven't had to dye my hair to cover the now spreading of *GASP* white hair. That mother of mine though sure knows how to boost me in my lowest of time. She says,"Oh sweetie, it's from the blood infusion placed in your head when you were born, that's why you have a streak of white hair...to remember the miracle you are...the blessing that was given to you and I". Oh moms definitely know how to cherish and make their children know of their unconditional love. At least my mom is. She and my daddy are very VERY generous in their outpour of love verbally. Exceptional parents in my book!

Anyways back to the white hair and crying about not being rich...ha! jk

If you know me, I get allllllll excited when it comes to birthday cakes, decorations, and presents! I mean this girl loves all pretty things. But for some reason this year was different. I didn't want the boots I've been lusting over. I didn't want the pearl earrings of my ma's that I've been secretly wearing and putting back into her jewelry box. I didn't even want a dinner...really. Who does that? When it really came down to the nitty gritty, all I wanted was to be surrounded by my la love and loved ones. To chat, laugh, and walk down memory lane. Cheesy? Maybe. But I can't take all the niceties found in this life...like those over the knee boots or pearl earrings. But family. Love. Knowledge. Those are the important things that I can take away from this life.

I remember once reading from a general authority from the LDS church, and don't quote me on this but I remember digesting this gist: "Probably one of the most important questions you'll be asked is, Did you learn to love?" Poetic isn't it? I mean in all classic novels...in all movies...in ALL that motivates us to move and grow in this life is LOVE. Did I love my neighbor? Did I serve and try to follow the example of my Savior? Did I accept and forgive both the good and bad actions towards me? And did I try to improve myself each day by implementing the things I've learned?

Truly I've grown and matured...probably faster in the last year. Not to toot my own horn, but in recognizing the importance of life. Sometimes its so easy to get caught up in the things of the world...to want to be in the world not of the world. I mean I've known this, but not as much as I do today. My family have deeply contributed to this knowledge as has my la love. Its the character that we protray to others that will either leave a great legacy or a bad taste in others' mouths. I hope not literally. I know that along my stumbles, I'm sure I've left 'a bad taste', however I hope through continuous efforts I'll be able to change these viewpoints and that one day I can epitomize the characters of my loved ones. They teach me to serve and love without condition. To give even when that means not getting anything in return. They, including my la love are my world.

By the way. Can I just brag again one more time on how wonderful of a man my love is? I may about a couple of things. In the very first few months of dating, my love took my bestie and I out to dinner. He paid. Say what? On the way home after great convo and company...on the freeway we're driving in snow, and this car on the side of the road has it's hazards on with a couple of guys trying to push it. My love pulls over and gets out to help them. Meanwhile, I'm freaking out telling my bestie all the awful things I could imagine and hoping they dont' come true. They didn't. What an act of service! That's when I first knew...really knew I was in love with him.

Anyways that man of mine! He surprised me on my birthday! I was so surprised! He tricked me. I didn't think he would because he sent me a card and a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Totally distracted me from his real plan! It was a quick weekend, but so worth every minute! I'm grateful for the sacrifices he makes for me! This visit was more laid back and full of cuddle time, which I'm definitely okay with. We even looked at rings! I have my heart set on one that's at Sam's Club! Which included a run from the car to the store in the rain and a kiss! Hahah perfection and cheesy. Guess what? I don't care hahaha! My momma made a seafood feast on Saturday to celebrate my birthday. She's da best! All in all it was perfect. Annnd Thanksgiving was bomb! So much food. The babes wasn't able to make it :( but will come the 27th of December weather permitting:))))))) My la love, family, and gospel all bring so much fulfillment to my life. Jobs, money, and things come and go...but family and especially mine are what matters to me.

FYI, I'm so okay with getting married in the temple and celebrating the reception at a restaurant with only our close intimate family members. Kinda SC like Haha! However, I know in all reality I would want it to be a great big shindig. Til' next time! Here's some pics!

This is when my babe surprised me. It was late at night and I had just gotten off work and started eating when the door bell rang. I didn't answer because I figured when he told me he was at his sister's house that he was! Trickster that man of mine! Love him to the moon and back!

 Kollie boy kept singing "Happy birrdayyy tewwww Misa!" over and over while riding his trike! Love his cuteness and sweetness.

My coworker and friend, Noreen, surprised me. I walked into my office and it was all decked out! She is the best! I sure miss her presence! She transferred to another department.

We watched the Hunger Games: Catching Fire! Oh my! I think it's better than the first! Jennifer Lawrence is my girl! She is superb in her acting!

 Uh! Ring purusing! I tried on some, however, when I tried on the huge one...uh I think there may be no way of going back to small haha. No honestly he could give me a piece of wire as long as we could start our life. I can't wait for that day! He was sweet and had me try on several rings.

The Spread! Whewwwww! What a feast! Delicious yumminess and great company! I am beyond grateful for my love and familia! How good is our God! Too good huh?!

Til' next time friends!

 Remember that scene in Mean Girls where the crying girl states, "I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy."

Welllllllll FYI, sometimes I wish the solution to a long distance relationship could be easily resolved by a pretty tasty cake. Unfortunately it isn't. In fact, I'm reminded of the ever famous quote by Geoffrey Chaucer in The Franklin’s Tale.

Patience is virtue high, and that’s certain;
For it does vanquish, as these clerks make plain,
Things that oppression never could attain. 

Ahhhh PATIENCE! That pesky patience is a virtue, or so they say... It teaches us to tolerate delay. It implies self-control and forbearance, as opposed to wanting what we want when we want it. What a difficult practice to implement at times. Anyone agree? I know. I know. "Cry me a river, Lisabeth..."Or world's saddest song played on the tiniest violin". However, we're each given trials and by far this has got to be up in the top 10 thus far. Then get yourself out of it right? Move back. Or vice versa. However, A LOT easier said than done. I wish it were easier.

In the face of adversity, I am often blinded by my own problems and desperately wanting my plan to work out EXACTLY the way I imagined. Don't we all? As of July 5th to November 6th, my love and I had a 4 month stint of being unable to see one another (ie. due to reasons outside of our control).  In my personal experience, it definitely impacted my tolerance level, increased frustration daily, and placed me in almost a security blanket of negative thinking. I was in constant self-turmoil of trying to find solutions and projecting every feeling imaginable both good and bad towards my la love. I felt almost bi-polar. I could easily see my negative words/actions before they exposed themselves. Yet instead of controlling my feelings of defeat, I'd let them emerge. After they'd play themselves out, I'd recognize my wrong and apologize, but the vacillating actions would continue.
Simply put: I missed him. If it were up to me, our life would have begun five yesterdays ago. I was looking for some shred of silver lining. And all along, I realized it was within my own handsome. Through all the arguments, intentionally ignoring each other to avoid conflict, and heated discussions, Stay remained calm and in control. I know he is by no means perfect...we each give and take, snap unwarrantedly, and even placed our relationship on the line, but and sorry for the cheesiness, buuuuuuuut he's MY perfect.

Through it all he remained optimistic and took the toll of my actions by understanding and validating my feelings. That man has my upmost respect, confidence, and all of my heart.

When you're unable to be in person; to talk, touch, or see one another, it places an immediate opposition in your way. Doubt sets in. But knowing what we have and fighting against these struggles is what helps us carry on.

Lauren Oliver (Liesl & Po) summed it up beautifully:

“If you do not believe that hearts can bloom suddenly bigger, and that love can open like a flower out of even the hardest places, then I am afraid that for you the road will be long and brown and barren, and you will have trouble finding the light.
But if you do believe, then you already know all about magic.” 

Stay surprised me Wednesday night. Sort of. I knew he was coming, but always get butterflies before he's actually here. I was teaching my 3 hour evening group when the case manager asked me to come "help" her real quick. I turned the corner and there he was! I was floored ha. I always am. I was stricken with shock and disbelief. He pulled me in close and kissed me. I was blinking for reality to set in. But he was really here! I took Thursday and Friday off so that I could have a splendid weekend with him. What a blessing to be able to be in his arms, to feel, smell, taste, haha to be overwhelmed by all 5 senses for the next 4 days and 5 nights. It always feels like we fill our days to do as many activities together as possible and limit our sleep. Wouldn't you if you knew your love were only here for what seems like miliseconds? There was lots of eating, cuddling, talking, driving, and just simply being with one another.

I CAN'T wait for the next visit. It gets better every time. Moreover, I can't wait to finally be Mrs. Lisabeth Havili. Here are some pictures :)

Thursday morning. I called in sick. (1st time ever and was scared ha!) We went to Denny's and felt like we cuddled and practically fed our faces all day haha. He's so handsome huh?

My Cuddy Buddy. His perfume is to die for! Love when it lingers on my clothes. I think this was Friday night. We went and watched Thor! Pretty good movie if you haven't seen it.

Saturday morning! Denny's! He got me a cupcake tumbler, because A.) it was too cute not to want and B.) I could get free re-fills! Score. Annnnnnd the Hobbit menu is back! Yay!

We went to Durango! It's about an hour away from where I live, but I just love the feel and jive of Durango. I would work here if it weren't for the commute. Morgan Stanley just opened an office here. *Hint Hint Stay Baby* We walked downtown, perused the stores, bought some french bakery goodies, and of course got my fave drink Very Berry Hibiscus at Starbucks. Think that was enough? We also went to TJ Maxx. Uh hands-down, one of the top 5 shopping scenes for me. Annnnd this handsome bought me a feather-down jacket! He's daaaaa best!

Saturday evening we went to Mutu's Italian Restaurant. It was scrumptious! I just enjoy sitting across from my main squeeze. I think we were both getting sullen; not looking forward to his departure come Sunday morning.

Buuuuuuut guess what?! He stayed one more night. I couldn't bear to let him leave...again. We went out Sunday night. Just got some treats, hit up Target (also top 5), and watched the first season of Vampire Diaries. Love that he's patient enough to do pretty much whatever I want. :P

 

All in all it was such a phenomenal and fantastic visit. Being patient certainly is a virtue. Having a significant other who sticks with it through thick and thin only helps strengthen and remind me of what we have. I love him. So much. My heart aches for him every second. I cannot wait for the next reunion and for the resolve of long distance to come.

 

Til next time my friends, much love. Adieu

 

Great Un-Expectations!

Hello Friends!

Been awhile eh? How's life you ask? Its good...incredibly busy, but good nonetheless! I have so many blessings to be thankful for. Matter of fact, things have gone unexpectedly better than what I imagined. You know that saying, "When one door closes...another opens"? Maybe it's just me but I despise this saying. Why? Well because I like any other person (I assume) have difficulty understanding why things go awry. I am the type of person who plans for things and if they don't happen then I get super bummed, even down and depressed. I mean we all want something badly to happen right? Whether it be in our personal lives, school, career, etc. I struggle with understanding why things don't work out. My thoughts were, I'm a hard worker, I try to be positive, I pray, etc. And yet the dream didn't result. WTF??! Right? But here's the beauty in it. Our Heavenly Father has a plan for our lives more beautifully written then we could ever imagine. I have realized over time (although still learning to implement this concept) that everything works out the way it should...meaning that Heavenly Father has us ALWAYS in our best interest, even if it causes heartache. But He is good. He is always 100% working for our benefit. He's that lovely and amazing! Believe you me though, I have to constantly remind myself of this because during the moment it doesn't always feel as such. For example, last year after graduation, I was on top of the world! I felt like my career dreams were about to come true. I got offered a job in New Mexico to be a therapist, they'd pay for my student loans, and I'd live with my family. Almost no bills, dream job, and hopefully marriage in a year. Did it happen quite the way I planned? Not at all. But it slowly things are falling into place. See, Heavenly Father's timeline is so much better than I could predict for my own life. I am remembered of this lesson...maybe too often, including tears, heartache, and anger. But its a good reminder.  

In Chapter 59 of Charles Dickens', Great Expectations, Estella says to Pip, "Suffering has been stronger than all other teachings, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but- I hope into a better shape."

I completely agree with Estella. All the trials I have had in my life have helped shape me into a better person. At least I hope so. I have THE most supportive family. They're with me through thick and thin. It really is true that blood is thicker than water. They have this keen sense of always catching me when I fall. Also, I wouldn't have met the love of my life if I had held on to relationships that just weren't working out. I wouldn't of had this wonderful man who accepts me with all my faults and loves me unconditionally. I am now in a challenging, but warm atmosphere at work. I still have other endeavors I want to  pursue, but this is a good start. I wake up feeling that my job is worthwhile and I just may be making a difference. I may not see His guiding hand in all things, but I sure am glad he's in charge of directing me. Even if it meant that I had to learn a couple hard lessons, or meet people that weren't so pleasant along the way, then it was worth it, because I have received so many more blessings. I know that when I am faced with trialsome times in my life, I can turn my trust and faith in the Lord. That he will have MY best interest in His hands, and whatever He decides for my life I will be at peace with. If the answer is no, I know that is the best answer for my life! I've been able to look at everything in a more positive light because of HIS grace, HIS goodness and HIS love. I feel truly blessed to know that. I hope that bitterness does not rise when one door closes for me or for you.

Estella also said, "Moths and all sorts of ugly creatures, hover about a lighted candle. Can the candle help it?". 
Simply put, No. Which can be the hardest answer of all. Sometimes we are faced with that which is most difficult or something in which we do not have the capacity to understand. We're left asking, "Why?". In my personal experience, I believe that some answers will never be given or found. However, acceptance and faith is what has helped me endure. I can't take all the credit because Heavenly Father has blessed me  in times of lonliness for certain individuals to help pick me up. I believe that some people enter your life if even for a mere second to help teach and remind us of the good there is in the world.  It is my wish that you my friends, that you can see and be grateful for what Heavenly Father is trying to do, in yours and my benefit, that he lifts us even beyond pain and anger. To give it to him and know that all will be well. I pray for all of you reading this, that you will be blessed with beautiful opportunities and for us to be blessed we must have an attitude of thanksgiving. My theory is, when one door closes, be grateful and know that Heavenly Father wants only the best for us. Hope you all are having a splendid Wednesday!

It's the Little Things That Count

Errr...Is This Thing On? I forgot how this works soooo let's start off with a little "Have you ever?" game.

[I need reassureness of my normalcy] Have you ever had one of those moments where you knew what you were doing but not really? Or what you should do but didn't? How 'bout I stop the confusion and just relay the dang story.

Here's the sitch:
Boss Lady: Lisabeth, can I see you in my office real quick?
Me: Course!
Boss: Instructing. Compliments. Proceeds to instruct some more.
Me: Listening. I think. For the first 5 minutes at least. Eyes glaze.
Boss: Got it? Lisabeth?
Me: {hesitative; desperately salvaging my being} Uhh...OHhh for surrrre! {Possibly too exuberant}

As I left her office, the voice in my head was having an anxiety attack folks. What the faaaaa did she just say?! was on instant replay. As was a cyclical version of questions. Did my eyes really glaze? Did I twitch? Oh gosh what did I do? I can't even remember what I did! What were her exact words? I instantly regret not having a robot feature like audio memory, or a rewind button, or for heaven sakes an energy drink or something to say the very least.

As a new elementary counselor, (P.S. there is a God and I was blessed with a job) I have the opportunity to teach social skills. Hence, I should automatically be able to respond with the correct behavior in a scenario like this, right? Right. Buuuuuut in my case, as with most things in my life this too was of the contrary. [And I call myself a professional]

So just an FYI, the key to communication is to make sure you're attentive, replying with an oooh or ahhhh, and at the end of the conversation both parties end on the same page or understanding of the sort ....this would make logistical sense.

So let me tell you why I was glazed over and fell asleep in my chair...

Aside from the fact that we are/were preparing and handing out the state exams for our students (AKA. Super importante!) I was receiving my instructions to proctor. Okay, for everyone out there. Testing. Its BORING. I repeat dead, tired, boring. Makes me feel sorry for the littles that have to sit through four-six hours of it. Obviously this wasn't going to jump drive my energy. Just the day before I had had a very fun-filled, wonderful, divine amazing (also including an intense moment as a newby standby...details to be filled in later) SPRINGBREAK with my honey bunches of oats!

So it had been three weeks since my handsome and I had seen each other. To you, maybe not so long. Even handsome is more patient with the time and distance. But me. Oh you can bet hells bells that I was aching to see him. The real test here though was to somehow convince my parents to let me go to Utah. Wait. What? Your parents are helicopter parents too and super protective and wouldn't let you go to another state without an engagement ring? And you're 28? Perfect! You know exactly how I feel! Folks, its not as bad as my sarcasm implies, but it is difficult and different at times.

So miracle number 1:

Lisabeth gets to go to Utah! {Hurrah!!!} For not only 3 days as originally allotted but FIVE! This is huge guys! HUGE! If anyone knows my ma, it is sooooo Huuuuge! K. So aside from the humongous loosening of the leash, Stay tells me, "Oh and I'll be introducing you to my family". Nbd, yea? My jaw totally drops. Huge deal. For Stay, this is like he took 5 big steps in our relationship. In my head I say, "Woah! Stay actually wants me to meet his fam bam". And then reality sunk in and I felt sorta nervous.
 

However, as the days lead up closer to my mini pre-drive vakay to Utah:

Mama Gladden says, "Um I don't know if I feel comfortable with you driving"...
Me: [trying my best NOT to throw a 2 year old tantrum] "Okay well I've checked the weather, my car
        just had an oil change, and I've said like 12 prayers. Things should be okay". {smiling really hard}.
Mama Gladden: "I don't know Lisa. We'll see".

Blast those 2 words! Worst words ever! Well besides 'You're Ugly' or something of the sort. You get my drift. In my mom's language this usually it is 98% No! or she'll carry out the torture longer and still end up saying no.

But little did I know that Havili had something up his own sleeve. Later, that night he says, "Babe, I have good news, instead of you driving, I was able to get a Buddy Pass from my cousin." {Shout out to Bonnie and Yella}. I end our call stat and run up the stairs! "Uhhhh, Mom! Dad! Stay just bought be a ticket! It's better right?! You feel better, yes?!" A little taken aback, they reply, "Nice, is it standby?" Freak! What do they do?! How do they knowwwwww? Ma G says, "I do not want a chance flight...too risky". I instantly (and desperately) remark, "Mom! Uhhh, errr its not! He spent $450! How sweet huh?" [guys I was beyond desperate, k? I'm sure Heavenly Father understands]. Well aside from the details I got to go! The plane ride(s) to Salt Lake couldn't go any faster! Flying standby was a bit nerve racking but I managed. I was literally on the edge of my seat! We landed and it was too surreal. I kept pinching myself to make sure it was legit. It was. I'd show you my bruises buttttttt I have none because I don't like inflicting pain. And just so you know, I kissed that man good and hard when he picked me up!

You guys so much happened and yet not enough did whilst in Utah! I mean there was eating, there was reuniting with friends, there was meeting new very important and kind family members {soon to be inlaws}, watching movies, playing games. There was just lots and lots of comfortable companionship! I couldn't soak enough of it in! I want to be back. Not in windy, ugly, New Mexico. It was splendid to be in his arms. To be able to talk face to face. To enjoy one another's company not via FaceTime or by cell or whatever. It was real. And all to fast. Meeting his family and getting to know them, to see my babers interact with them, it was a blessing. That man of mine. He's so devoted, charitable, kind, and just good! You know he would take off work early to see me? Buy me my favorite meal or dessert because he knew it'd bring a smile to my face? Take me to way too many shopping malls cause he knew it'd tickle my fancy even if he'd have to patiently wait for an hour or so while I perused and the such? I can't get enough! I'm still trying to wake up and see if it wasn't a dream!

Miracle 2:

Flying stand by isn't the shiz nits when you have a schedule and parents who wanted you home yesterday. My connecting flight from SLC to Phoenxi went smoothly. But from Phoenix to Durango, it was another story. I had caught the 7AM flight but not the 9AM flight back because a not so nice man who shoved his superiority in my face beat me to it. He even chuckled. I was already on the verge of crying and found out from the attendant that there was only 1 flight back to Durango scheduled to leave in 2 hours.Stay and I were thinking of every option I could take, but I refused to be defeated.I knew I had to get on, otherwise I would be dead meat and not the good kind. So several prayers were spewed out to Heaven as were tears. Let me tell you. 2.5 hours is torture enough, but being able to get on literally 2.5 seconds before they closed the gates was a rush! What an EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER!

                 

Miracle 3:

My parents welcomed me home with smiles and hugs. This was unexpected because the day before I had broke the fib to my ma and let's just say it was not taken well...at all. But alas! All was forgiven and forgotten! I love when that happens. And that my twinner always knows how to save my bum! Unconditional love baby!

                 

These little miracles, though insignificant to most were so awesome to witness! Now for pics!

From Left to Right: Si'i, Stay's super shy but sweet brother in law, Ame, Stay's sister who is super nice and not as scary at all as Stay made her out to be, Stay's mama Tu'u who's super funny and so kind and welcoming. Stay Tay and Me

On our way to lunch and a movie. That evening we met up with Jeni & Siaki! Our fave doubling couple!

   You guys! Do you see this?! This is so me in like 50-60 years! She was too cute not to secretly take a picture of!

Lil' Quaid! The morning I left, Stay soaked him with cologne and put him in my backpack. As cliche as this sounds, the smell totally helps me sleep better when I'm missing my mister!

 

I wish I had more pics to share! I took my camera every where with me but kept forgetting to take pictures. Silly me! But ya know, I've come to realize how big the little things in life really are. Its learning to take time out to enjoy the small things in life. The little things in life are what connect us to the bigger things. A simple daily hug to a lover or a family member may not seem that huge everyday, but when they are gone, just the memory of this embrace can be a fulfilling memory that will make you smile. At least it does me and gets me through the harder times. Never underestimate doing the little things, and make sure that you go out of your way to do them because you will reap the rewards for doing so. I know I'm way more grateful and love Stay more and more each day because of this, the efforts we put into making our relationship work, and for being able to realize the little things he does for me that add up to the bigger things!