Light Bulb!!!

Every time I hear the phrase, "light bulb!", I can now only picture an eastern European accent. Cue Gru from 'Despicable Me'... "Liiiiight buuuulb".


Anyways I love when the so called light bulb goes off for me. Today was one of those very insightful days. Ya know...the kind of information that you've always known but somehow it was stored, covered, and then forgotten? I'm talking about those little principles in life. The ones that seem so minimal but really equate to mountain-like profoundness. I don't know about you, but I struggle simply because of life's daily chaos/distraction(s). It clouds my aspiration to be Mother Teresa, (hahaha okay not quite but you get the picture) infringing itself while I claim defeat with excuses. Maybe I'm in this alone, but I have a cantankering that most people are always seeking ways to better or improve themselves. We however just get busy with Life's curve balls. There's the challenge folks. At least for me. To overlook the chaos and remember the little things. Like being prepared, patient, loving, etc. It's all noteworthy and particularly on Sundays (because of church service and all) I pledge I'll be a better person and try harder. Then manic Monday hits and I'm all over the place trying to do whatever that is which needs to be done and come the following Sunday I'm like "Oh yea, totes knew that....shoulda. coulda. woulda...

The point here is to not let myself get discouraged just because I forgot, overlooked, or simply procrastinated. The point is to digest it and try to put it to action. Quite possibly the 'Aha!' moment is to help me individually because the man upstairs knows me better than I know myself and that those 'Aha!' moments are just what I need to revitalize, recoupe, and press on.

Try this one on for size:

"Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best ----better than does God. Or at least we are asserting that our timetable is better than His."
Elder Neal A. Maxwell

I'm glad someone else is in charge. Moreover that it isn't me. That He knows above all what is best. For me. For you. For everyone. I know He loves each and everyone of us. Knows each and everyone of us individually, even by name. Wish I had His memory. [Haha. Bad joke I know. Blame the Asian side.] But honestly, it's the best when you're not working against Him, that you do things in faith, and see the rewards you reap because of it.

And on that note, I leave you with this beauty:

"I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Rainer Maria Rilke, Letter To A Young Poet

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly...

Great movie, right?! However, this post is less western and more contemplative on the actual good, the bad, annnnnnd the ugly. Normally, it takes about a week for me to process that it's an actual new year. And what dya know? It's the seventh. Ha! Call it what you will... DENIAL.  Miss big fat D has to make her appearance once a year and ya know what? It puts me out of my comfort zone. I don't really know why. It gets me thinking on the pros, the cons, the accomplished, the unfinished. But let me put you in my head first. I come from an Asian background. Being the first child = perfection, no room for mistakes and to do everything amazingly well.  Or at least that was and has been my perception. Don't get me wrong, I have THE best parents in the world. And my ma has backed up a lot within the last three years, [both a learning process for us] however my mentality is so accustomed to this "way of life" that well...leaves it a bit hard to strive for nothing but.

{Now I know what you're thinking, Wahhhhh cry me a river...play the world's tiniest violin (or whatever the saying is). But alas, bear with me, it's just the background I'm setting so I can get to my point.}

As I've had a full week to digest ringing in the new year, I've realized that while I still experience some discomfort, that I now after a good 28 years I feel like I'm coming into my own. What I mean is, I'm okay with me in my own skin. I think that finding yourself is a difficult and lonely road. I think I've gone every imaginable route without completely ruining my future, but nonetheless have learned so much from 'The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly'. It's funny that just now I feel that I'm coming into my own. I've always been a late bloomer, but have had to do and try everything on my own regardless of warnings or consequences. I've been through a lot, some worthy of mentioning, and some that need to rest at peace. The road back was difficult but not as difficult as I thought it'd be. It was full of understanding, growth, and finding myself.

I have a lot to be grateful for, especially for 2012. I graduated with my Master's in Mental Health Counseling. And even anticipate passing my licensure the second time around :) Missing by a mere point was devastating and even landed me in depression territory and in a vulnerability that I definitely have not been accustomed to. I started playing the comparison game. Why I wasn't in my career that I sweated and toiled for? Why I wasn't 110lbs like I was 7 years ago haha. Or why I wasn't married like the rest of my peers, or even having children.  The 'whys and what ifs' list went on. And you know what? To some it may have seemed like a big pity party, but to me it was real. Trial some and my obstacle. But I've been blessed with a wonderful support system, my family. They can read me like a book, and have enough patience and energy to relentlessly motivate, tell the honest truth, and love me no matter what. My handsome has been a steady foundation through it all too. 2012 has been so memorable because of him. We celebrated a year and hope to celebrate many more. I'm happy, I'm content. There's no need to compare. And I found out again the harder way, but I'm glad I did. It's always so much more meaningful and is set into stone that way. The key is to recognize the problem first, accept it, and then move on. I'm no longer in denial. I still feel somewhat uncomfortable here and there. But as always things happen for a reason and in a timely manner. So while you've only heard the gist about 'the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly', I know that beliefs won't make me a better person, but my behavior will. Good acts and deeds are the goal for 2013. I may splurge and even set some goals like being more healthy etc. But for now I want to be the best Lisabeth I can be. And to continue on in service and love.

P.S. my favorite line from the actually movie is:

Tuco: "I would like to piss, it's rough. I've been shaking up nearly 10 hours now."
Wallace: "You smell like a pig already. Let's try not to make things any worse."

That's right. That mental image has been the past couple of months, but thankfully with the graciousness of loving parents, a bestie twinner, and a handsome debonair I got through 2012. The world didn't end because some personal goals weren't met and it won't even if they aren't met 'til 2065. (I'd be 81 so what'd be the point hahaha). Resolutions are still scary for me, but I'll take it one step at a time even through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Here's to you and all the happiness, I pray comes your way.

Oh 2012...How Time Flies

Boy Oh boy did 2012 go by fast or what? I feel like I barely blinked and here we are January 5, 2013. Crazy. It's too bad that I still write 2012 on my dates and probably will 'til Mayish. I seem to get better five to six months into the year. Ha! But what dya'll care huh?

I don't know bout you, but I'm still in holiday mode. That's right. Still living it up baking cookies, apple pies, and have quite possibly ordered myself a lil' skirt from JCrew {A New Year's special} Why? Because I can. And who doesn't love a lil' pick me up after the holidays? Speaking of the holidays I was pleasantly surprised by my handsome on the 21st. What's that? A recap you ask? Alright. Alright. No need to beg :)

So I'm with my sister, playing with my little babies (as usual)...trying to fight back the stubborn tears I've had for the past couple of weeks err the past four months. [Watching other couples and being long distance is a recipe of heartache for someone as sensitive as I. Especially since Handsome told me he didn't have any time off as he started a new job. I try to play it off and am usually strong about it, but curse the holidays when you want to be with your special someone and family.]
 So my momma being the sweet mom she is, calls us girls up and says, "Mil, Isa, you girls should get tickets to see 'The Hobbit'. I know Isa has been down so you kids grab eight tickets (for us, bro-in-law, bro & sis, and our two cousins; big fam...we know)." So while my sis is ordering online...my thoughts are, thank you momma for some distraction and a great movie:)

Later around 3ish, Handsome calls me. I hadn't heard from him much which was a lil' unusual for us, but I didnt think anything of it. Anyways back to the call. 

Babe: Hey beautiful, whatcha doin...
Me: Not much, just getting ready to go watch 'The Hobbit'. Whoot! Whoot!
Babe: Uh any chance you'd like to watch it later with me?
Bratty me: Um like in a month or so? <Hesitantly> I guess... but I was really excited...would you hate me if I watched it?
Babe: Well uh, I didn't want to tell you, but I'm in Moab...on my way to surprise you...
Me: <Shrieks> then I start crying. "for real, for reals" barely audible.
Babe: haha, yes.

So four hours later, Handsome pulls into the driveway and before he can get out of the car, I'm planting kisses on his face and pulling him into the house.

The 22nd, we went to Fudruckers and watched the long awaited Hobbit. I'm obsessed. This I know:)

Then we went Christmas Lights sight seeing and finished the evening off with Dunkin Donuts!

The 23rd being a Sunday and such we didn't get to peruse, however I want everyone to know that my man is THE man of all men. You know why? Because he simply puts me first without any argument, is soooo good with my family especially the little ones, and is so ready for anything always in good spirits. For instance, my family and I were singing in our church choir for the Christmas Sunday service. I initially asked what he would like to do, but then blabbed out, "please sing with us". And you know what, without hesitation that sweet man of mine sang in choir. In front of strangers. Because I asked! I was a lil' surprised, but above all grateful and astounded at how amazing he truly is. I love that every so often I learn something new about him. It not only gets better, but makes my love that much stronger for him.

Finally the 24th arrived! Christmas Eve is HUGE no its GINORMOUS GIGANTICUS in my family. We celebrate both with our filipino and American culture. On the 24th its called Noche Buena. We wake up early, start cooking and baking alongside singing and dancing, prepping for the big feast and festivities. Its too much fun really!

But when Handsome is around, and its the only time I see him... well I'm willing to tear away from fam for a bit. And that's exactly what we did. We decided to sneak away for a couple of hours and go to town. We ate at Boon's, a  fabulous Thai restaurant. It was so delicious. Both the food and the company.

There was so much fun the 24! Full of love, family, and friends. We ate, we sang karaoke (haha), and danced.  Ahhh slow dancing! Newfound love. I actually don't mind when Handsome takes me by the hand and decides to dance with me. < cue the swooning hehe > Then daddy shared the story of our Savior's birth, expounding on the beginning of his miraculous work on Earth. The clock stroke 12 and we all wished one another Merry Christmas. Presents were opened and all were happy. I definitely am blessed. So blessed with wonderful family members who love and support unconditionally. To have an amazing beau, and our love that just keeps getting better and better! But most of all, to have the gift of everlasting life with a loving Heavenly father and mother [and all my loved ones] if I play my cards right here on earth. Blessed. Such a great word to wrap up my Christmas. 

Christmas morning I not only opened my stocking from Santa, but went swiftly to see my Handsome and exchanged our Christmas gifts. I was spoiled to say the less. Annnnd he knows me all too well. We later watched Le Miserables (A MUST SEE...I'm dying to go again!) Later we came back home to just enjoy one another's splendor. All I wanted to do was cuddle up with this man of mine and talk and cuddle and laugh.  It's all sooooo much better in person. Take my word for it. 

Wednesday snuck up on me faster than I liked and begrudgingly, I had to let that Handsome of mine leave. You'd think it'd get easier each time to say good-bye, but it only gets harder. This was by far THE best Christmas I've had so far! All my loved ones were present, fun was had, and love oh that sweet noun that encompasses so much and yet can be taken granted for, was and is the greatest gifts of all I received. 

New Years was amazing too. More food, more dancing and singing, and most of all enfolded with my family members. I'm so grateful for all that I have. I can't wait for what 2013 has to bring. I can only imagine that the Best Is Yet To Come. Like Blue Eyes said: 

Wait till you're locked in my embrace

Wait till I hold you near

Wait till you see that sunshine place

There aint nothin like it here

The best is yet to come, and wont that be fine

The best is yet to come, come the day that your mine

I cant wait to be 'locked in his embrace' once again.