A Plan for a Plan

Are you the type that plans? Or flies by the seat of their pants? Does it depend on the situation? I like to think of myself as impulsive, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I'm a planner. I have to have a plan for a plan. Why is that? Maybe growing up with an Asian mama? Maybe a genetic characteristic? I have always like writing in journals, planners, etc. Not really the pro at it, but I think the idea of having it "all together" is what makes planners so ideal not to mention the points they get for looking cute (I mean Kate Spade and her pretty planners *Sigh*). Anyways back to real life. Lately I've been thinking a lot. What if I just let go of plans? I mean obviously I'd still manage my time and responsibilities efficiently and effectively (*cough hopefully) but in regards to goals or dreams and the such, what if I were to just let them go. To fully and completely let go of the control I want over it. I mean think about it. Nothing is in our power...only the choices we make. Whew I don't know about ya'll but this'll def be a work in progress for mwah. Let's take it back to yesteryear(sssss). Hush! (Still dealing with this label of 30).


I come from a close-knit family. Growing up we spent every day together doing whatever, talking about whatever. But I can remember a specific family night we had. I was about 17 years old and our family discussing goals aloud. My daddio was talking aloud about how he never imagined he'd be where he is today...mainly in feeling blessed about his family and blessings of church, work, home, etc. As he was talking my sister and I decided to write goals we'd like to accomplish in the next 5 years. I was sooooo specific. Looksy:


1. Graduate from High School within top 10 rank
2. Attend Brigham Young University and study pre-law
3. Travel
4. Get married at 22 years old
5. Have children by 25 years old


My sister's list looked something like this:
1. Attend college. Anywhere. No qualms with this one:)
2. Serve an LDS mission
3. Possibly get married around 26 or so


Haha it's kind of funny because when I look back at what seemed so important and at the forefront of at that time totally changes as we experience life and meet it's challenges. As a 17 year old it's not going to be as in depth or possibly as realistic as let's say a 27 year old or GASP 30 year old. LIFE HAPPENS. I mean on paper I'm a solid A handsdown, but maybe its another story realistically. Life  doesn't exactly go the way you imagine. For instance, my sister's became totally different. She found her love at 18 and married at 20 and has two beautiful babies whom I steal every day. I on the other hand have accomplished goal one and two and even some of three. However that marriage goal has always been an obstacle. Haha. Some have said, "It's because you're looking for it too much." My response is "Really?" (sometimes adding in an eye roll) Is it a bad thing to want marriage though? Absolutely not. I'd say for a new 30 year old, that I've been able to accomplish quite a bit and that I am now mature and stable to take on the seriousness that marriage entails. Will I be completely ready? Most likely not, but I'm ready for that challenge. That's why plans are so tricky. When you want something bad enough will it really come? My only answer I can give myself is this. Be patient. And that is something that is really hard to sit with because it's hard not to scrutinize where I may have gone wrong or what's wrong with me. But I've learned that patience and gratitude are what helps in times of despair. So while I'd like to say I have a 5 year plan...I'm gonna keep it to a "Whatever Heavenly Father has in store for me plan". I'm sure I'll still experience impatience and downright moodiness, but with a working faith I'm sure everything will fall into place exactly as they were meant to be. After all, if I look back at my 17 year old self, I would've said take your time. Enjoy life. Don't be in a rush. I'd probably say that to my 30 year old self but Kim Kardashian said that half your eggs deplete once you hit 30 ladies so that must be bible right? Nah I'm enjoying life and need to stop being so hard on myself.


I take my licensure test this weekend. PRAY for me. Then in two weeks I move back to Utah. UTAH?!?! Ah! I think it'll be a good move and have felt it to be right so far. The job seems much more safer and supportive than my current one. I will be challenged as I work with adolescent females, but I think overall it's going to be a huge advantage, career wise. I'm excited. Am I excited to attend a singles ward again? We'll see. I'll let you know about the eye candy or if there's room for improvement with a certain handsome in Salt Lake, but I say this. I'm going in with no plans or I'm gonna try my best at not going in with any plans. This will be a test of faith, but ultimately will be an opportunity for me to grow and learn even more. I need to remember to have fun. To have standards and know what I want, but ultimately to enjoy life. Plans are good. Just not 24/7 pressure to meet them.


So here I go! Plan #1 Exclude long-term plans or pressure to meet any-term plans.


Have a wonderful day!!!

I am Enough! Nough Said :)))))

Too often we get into the struggle of our own thinking. Can I get an Amen?! It's true. I think that it's quite possibly one of the biggest tools that is used against us. Obviously it can be both a strength and weakness...our mind that is. However, when we allow our thinking to go askew, it's so easy to forget our self worth. Man preach to the choir sista orrrr should I say brother?! (hehe) I was reading President Uctdorf's talk, found here https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/of-things-that-matter-most?lang=eng. He gives this wonderful advice, to "Stop It", you are amazing and you matter because you are you." Ironically, I had shared a lesson on relapse prevention skills to my group. One of them was to imagine a big STOP sign...another that I improvised with was a light switch and that if we are able to get through the 15 minutes (that's how long a craving/trigger lasts) then we'd be able to move on and proceed life coming out of it a bit stronger. How cool is it that we as members of the LDS faith are able to receive guidance into reminding us of how valuable and loved we are? After all they are THE mouthpieces of our Almighty. It simply blows my mind yet comforts me on all levels. You my friend matter. I matter. I'm so blessed to have the gospel in my life and to know that I'm not alone even if on an off day (that happens more than not) when I'm even surrounded by loved ones and all still struggling, that I can get down on my knees and be comforted and feel the true love from a Heavenly Father and Savior who knows EXACTLY what I'm going through. My life mission is unique. Just as yours is. I may experience a trial that's not exactly hard as another's may seem, but guess what? It's mine. And that's okay. I can own that and accept that I can only the things and go through the things I experience because they are mine and only mine. Our Heavenly Father only gives us that which we can handle. Some days I throw my hands in the air and I plead upward saying "Really? Really?!!!" And then after some time I come into my own and realize you know what...be okay with it. Be more grateful. I've come to the realization that only I can compare myself to my yesterday's self and see where I can improve. However, it is easier said than done. Often the world is knocking on our door saying hellllllo look what you're not doing or what you don't have or what you need to be like. I'm sooooo grateful that the gospel tells us otherwise. That our Heavenly Father speaks directly to his faithful servants as well as give us personal revelation that we are enough. Feels good. Real good. If we can just step back and examine our true motivations, we can gain important insight into ourselves...which can also lead to being more objective which let's be honest I could a lot more these days :)

I need to update ya on the latest especially with pics but I literally am running out the door to take care of my lil' ol' Alby! She's great! Cross your fingers she will cooperate and want to sleep tonight! Otherwise it'll make for a loooong day at work tomorrow haha! Hope all is well with you and yours!

Finding Acceptance

Hi blogger world! It's been awhile and then some huh?! I don't even know where to start. Life has been a hit and miss, however throughout the lows and highs I have found consistency in love from my family and most importantly my Heavenly Father. I think trials naturally do that to you. I will have to say that I have seen myself grow so much from how I would have normally reacted/coped with hardships. I have seen my relationship grow closer to our Heavenly Father and have found that I need to work on my self-care more. It's ironic really. For those of you who don't know, I am a therapist by profession. Day in and day out I guide and with opportunity teach my clients ways in reaching their goals. This often comprises of self-esteem and self-value. I have tried to analyze how I've let myself go, so to speak. Maybe because women are naturally more compassionate than men? We tend to look to others in helping them and their needs? Maybe it's because I help people for a living so I don't necessarily have time to self-reflect and see what needs to be tightened up or to give myself credit where credit is due? Maybe it's because I've grown up with the Asian culture of never being completely fulfilled with what I have accomplished because enough is never enough? Who knows?! All I can say is I'm grateful. Yes the past 4.5 months have been hard. But I got up. I've tried. That's what this life is about. Not giving up and pressing forward.
I'll be honest annnd maybe this is for a vent sesh but it's nice to talk once again even if this isn't read by anyone but myself. I've missed blogging. But I've also realized that with blogging, the public or cyber-world reads/sees it. And in that you don't want to share any of the ghastly things...only the happy and even garish, "hope I'm making you kinda jealous things"....Maybe its a girl thing. Life isn't like that though. Life hands you spit balls, curve balls, and grand balls. Learning to be grateful in the hard times is always a lot more difficult than in the happiest of times buuuuut when you can count your blessings during the hard times, you find that it isn't always as bad as you think and that my dear friends is the lesson I have to remind myself and take away CONSTANTLY everyday. Anyways, you know those times where you totally doubt yourself a ton and then realize that "Eh, you're not that bad?" I think I just got that the other day. It is nice to have those reminders. I often use an analogy with my clients, for every one positive thing that happens, ten negative things can easily wipe that positive out. For a 1 to 10 ratio, I'd say that positivity has it pretty rough...basically fighting an uphill battle. The great thing is that positivity will ALWAYS win though! Always! I find that if I get lost in the down spiral of negativity and choose (it's totes a choice same as any emotion) to stay in it that my day or week will continue to get worse. However, if I choose to see the good [even if bad or unwanted things occur] it provides a glimmer of hope and sometimes that hope can give comfort in the darkest of places. I love the gospel and the strength it gives me daily. I love my family for their patience and constant guidance with their vivaciousness for life.
I will say this. I'm still finding myself. I feel like I would have accomplished this feat by the time I am to reach 30. However, I think I will continue to find myself as life is full of progression and change. It's good. It's a challenge and I like a good challenge. I don't know what's next or in store for me, but I only know good things are. They've got to because there's so much to do and see. I passed my school counseling exam. WITHOUT STUDYING! I'm still on cloud 9! I have a part-time job in which I'm a caretaker for a lil' old lady! Yet I've learned that while these accomplishments have brought more meaning to my life, that they do not define who I am. I'm happy simply because I know I have a Heavenly Father and family that love me for me! Unconditionally! I didn't have to do or be something amazing to earn this. It just is. Profound. I've got a lot in store for me this I know. Who knows what's next. Maybe moving from therapist to school counselor. Maybe going to the singles ward. Maybe moving?!!! All I know is that whatever is to come it will be the right thing. Do I yearn for that next chapter? Marriage, family, career, the whole shebang? You bet your heart out! In time they will. In time. I heard this wonderful quote..."You cannot grow tomatoes in the winter can you? No. No. For it is not their season. Spring time is their season. And when they come oh what a beautiful thing it is." How wonderful huh? That quote has resounded with me especially during times that I will be honest happen quite often than not. My season will come. I've just got to press forward in faith in that positive mindset. Well my friends it's off to bed for me. Have a wonderful night. Hopefully I'll be in touch soon!