A Plan for a Plan

Are you the type that plans? Or flies by the seat of their pants? Does it depend on the situation? I like to think of myself as impulsive, but the more I think about it the more I realize that I'm a planner. I have to have a plan for a plan. Why is that? Maybe growing up with an Asian mama? Maybe a genetic characteristic? I have always like writing in journals, planners, etc. Not really the pro at it, but I think the idea of having it "all together" is what makes planners so ideal not to mention the points they get for looking cute (I mean Kate Spade and her pretty planners *Sigh*). Anyways back to real life. Lately I've been thinking a lot. What if I just let go of plans? I mean obviously I'd still manage my time and responsibilities efficiently and effectively (*cough hopefully) but in regards to goals or dreams and the such, what if I were to just let them go. To fully and completely let go of the control I want over it. I mean think about it. Nothing is in our power...only the choices we make. Whew I don't know about ya'll but this'll def be a work in progress for mwah. Let's take it back to yesteryear(sssss). Hush! (Still dealing with this label of 30).


I come from a close-knit family. Growing up we spent every day together doing whatever, talking about whatever. But I can remember a specific family night we had. I was about 17 years old and our family discussing goals aloud. My daddio was talking aloud about how he never imagined he'd be where he is today...mainly in feeling blessed about his family and blessings of church, work, home, etc. As he was talking my sister and I decided to write goals we'd like to accomplish in the next 5 years. I was sooooo specific. Looksy:


1. Graduate from High School within top 10 rank
2. Attend Brigham Young University and study pre-law
3. Travel
4. Get married at 22 years old
5. Have children by 25 years old


My sister's list looked something like this:
1. Attend college. Anywhere. No qualms with this one:)
2. Serve an LDS mission
3. Possibly get married around 26 or so


Haha it's kind of funny because when I look back at what seemed so important and at the forefront of at that time totally changes as we experience life and meet it's challenges. As a 17 year old it's not going to be as in depth or possibly as realistic as let's say a 27 year old or GASP 30 year old. LIFE HAPPENS. I mean on paper I'm a solid A handsdown, but maybe its another story realistically. Life  doesn't exactly go the way you imagine. For instance, my sister's became totally different. She found her love at 18 and married at 20 and has two beautiful babies whom I steal every day. I on the other hand have accomplished goal one and two and even some of three. However that marriage goal has always been an obstacle. Haha. Some have said, "It's because you're looking for it too much." My response is "Really?" (sometimes adding in an eye roll) Is it a bad thing to want marriage though? Absolutely not. I'd say for a new 30 year old, that I've been able to accomplish quite a bit and that I am now mature and stable to take on the seriousness that marriage entails. Will I be completely ready? Most likely not, but I'm ready for that challenge. That's why plans are so tricky. When you want something bad enough will it really come? My only answer I can give myself is this. Be patient. And that is something that is really hard to sit with because it's hard not to scrutinize where I may have gone wrong or what's wrong with me. But I've learned that patience and gratitude are what helps in times of despair. So while I'd like to say I have a 5 year plan...I'm gonna keep it to a "Whatever Heavenly Father has in store for me plan". I'm sure I'll still experience impatience and downright moodiness, but with a working faith I'm sure everything will fall into place exactly as they were meant to be. After all, if I look back at my 17 year old self, I would've said take your time. Enjoy life. Don't be in a rush. I'd probably say that to my 30 year old self but Kim Kardashian said that half your eggs deplete once you hit 30 ladies so that must be bible right? Nah I'm enjoying life and need to stop being so hard on myself.


I take my licensure test this weekend. PRAY for me. Then in two weeks I move back to Utah. UTAH?!?! Ah! I think it'll be a good move and have felt it to be right so far. The job seems much more safer and supportive than my current one. I will be challenged as I work with adolescent females, but I think overall it's going to be a huge advantage, career wise. I'm excited. Am I excited to attend a singles ward again? We'll see. I'll let you know about the eye candy or if there's room for improvement with a certain handsome in Salt Lake, but I say this. I'm going in with no plans or I'm gonna try my best at not going in with any plans. This will be a test of faith, but ultimately will be an opportunity for me to grow and learn even more. I need to remember to have fun. To have standards and know what I want, but ultimately to enjoy life. Plans are good. Just not 24/7 pressure to meet them.


So here I go! Plan #1 Exclude long-term plans or pressure to meet any-term plans.


Have a wonderful day!!!