Hi blogger world! It's been awhile and then some huh?! I don't even know where to start. Life has been a hit and miss, however throughout the lows and highs I have found consistency in love from my family and most importantly my Heavenly Father. I think trials naturally do that to you. I will have to say that I have seen myself grow so much from how I would have normally reacted/coped with hardships. I have seen my relationship grow closer to our Heavenly Father and have found that I need to work on my self-care more. It's ironic really. For those of you who don't know, I am a therapist by profession. Day in and day out I guide and with opportunity teach my clients ways in reaching their goals. This often comprises of self-esteem and self-value. I have tried to analyze how I've let myself go, so to speak. Maybe because women are naturally more compassionate than men? We tend to look to others in helping them and their needs? Maybe it's because I help people for a living so I don't necessarily have time to self-reflect and see what needs to be tightened up or to give myself credit where credit is due? Maybe it's because I've grown up with the Asian culture of never being completely fulfilled with what I have accomplished because enough is never enough? Who knows?! All I can say is I'm grateful. Yes the past 4.5 months have been hard. But I got up. I've tried. That's what this life is about. Not giving up and pressing forward.
I'll be honest annnd maybe this is for a vent sesh but it's nice to talk once again even if this isn't read by anyone but myself. I've missed blogging. But I've also realized that with blogging, the public or cyber-world reads/sees it. And in that you don't want to share any of the ghastly things...only the happy and even garish, "hope I'm making you kinda jealous things"....Maybe its a girl thing. Life isn't like that though. Life hands you spit balls, curve balls, and grand balls. Learning to be grateful in the hard times is always a lot more difficult than in the happiest of times buuuuut when you can count your blessings during the hard times, you find that it isn't always as bad as you think and that my dear friends is the lesson I have to remind myself and take away CONSTANTLY everyday. Anyways, you know those times where you totally doubt yourself a ton and then realize that "Eh, you're not that bad?" I think I just got that the other day. It is nice to have those reminders. I often use an analogy with my clients, for every one positive thing that happens, ten negative things can easily wipe that positive out. For a 1 to 10 ratio, I'd say that positivity has it pretty rough...basically fighting an uphill battle. The great thing is that positivity will ALWAYS win though! Always! I find that if I get lost in the down spiral of negativity and choose (it's totes a choice same as any emotion) to stay in it that my day or week will continue to get worse. However, if I choose to see the good [even if bad or unwanted things occur] it provides a glimmer of hope and sometimes that hope can give comfort in the darkest of places. I love the gospel and the strength it gives me daily. I love my family for their patience and constant guidance with their vivaciousness for life.
I will say this. I'm still finding myself. I feel like I would have accomplished this feat by the time I am to reach 30. However, I think I will continue to find myself as life is full of progression and change. It's good. It's a challenge and I like a good challenge. I don't know what's next or in store for me, but I only know good things are. They've got to because there's so much to do and see. I passed my school counseling exam. WITHOUT STUDYING! I'm still on cloud 9! I have a part-time job in which I'm a caretaker for a lil' old lady! Yet I've learned that while these accomplishments have brought more meaning to my life, that they do not define who I am. I'm happy simply because I know I have a Heavenly Father and family that love me for me! Unconditionally! I didn't have to do or be something amazing to earn this. It just is. Profound. I've got a lot in store for me this I know. Who knows what's next. Maybe moving from therapist to school counselor. Maybe going to the singles ward. Maybe moving?!!! All I know is that whatever is to come it will be the right thing. Do I yearn for that next chapter? Marriage, family, career, the whole shebang? You bet your heart out! In time they will. In time. I heard this wonderful quote..."You cannot grow tomatoes in the winter can you? No. No. For it is not their season. Spring time is their season. And when they come oh what a beautiful thing it is." How wonderful huh? That quote has resounded with me especially during times that I will be honest happen quite often than not. My season will come. I've just got to press forward in faith in that positive mindset. Well my friends it's off to bed for me. Have a wonderful night. Hopefully I'll be in touch soon!
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